Bronx Bombers

Caught my first game of 2008 at Yankee Stadium on Wednesday night, and the two guys who sat behind me were more interesting than the Bombers, who looked like a bunch of bums against Cleveland. They lost 3-0.

My girlfriend and I had upper-deck seats right behind the foul pole where that squirrel watched the playoffs last season. When these two guys sat behind us, I thought they were going to spend the rest of the game annoying the crap out of me.

It's no crime to be drunk and loud at a baseball game in the Bronx. It actually helps you fit in. But the guy closest to me stumbled while sitting down and I thought I was going to have to catch him with my face, but he managed to right the ship. No harm, no foul.

And other than getting smacked in the head once and some stomping on the empty seat next to me, they actually made the game a very enjoyable experience.

The guy who almost fell on me announced, "I know baseball!" to his buddy, whose dreads curled around his head like a turban (no, that's not a hat). Because he was missing his front teeth, he had a hard time pronouncing some words. “My father taught me. Jackie Robinson. Babe Roof. He played for Boston! I know everything. Joe DiMaggio.”

And the guy did seem to know quite a lot about the Yankees.

"Wang’s the best pitcher dey got!” he told his friend during the fourth inning. This is true.

“Well, the Yankees ain't doing nuthin’,” his dreadlocked buddy said. Also true.

“The other guy’s throwing a one-hitter, man!” he countered. And in fact Cliff Lee was shutting down the Yankees.

When a trivia question about perfect games by Yankees pitchers went up on the big screen, he started reeling off names. He called out, "Boomer!" then "Coney!" remembering the perfection of David Wells and David Cone in the late '90s.

A vendor yelled, “Peanuts, here! Peanuts!”

“I want some free nuts!” the guy without the front teeth yelled back. The vendor looked at him and kept walking. “Watch," he said to his friend, "I’m gonna get me some free nuts. Ha!”

Later in the game, the stadium speakers blared “YMCA” and the grounds crew did its dance while dragging the infield. The guy with the dreads went to the bathroom and the other guy said to a man nearby, "They made 'YMCA' into a movie. It was really, really good." He proceeded to give an in-depth review of the 1980 Village People film. He also informed him that “Mamma Mia!” is being made into a movie, too. Baseball buff, film buff, and a fan of Broadway.

The next peanut vendor that walked by yelled, “Sack a nuts here! Last chance for deez nuts!”

“You can’t say free nuts, then not give free nuts," he said. "That’s against the law! Ha, ha!”

During the sixth inning, a camera man showed up and started filming people dancing to Beyonce’s “Crazy in Love.”

A woman got up and began to swing her hips and her arms like she was falling out of a tree, hitting every branch on the way down. The guy with the dreads busted out some wild moves of his own, punching at the air and kicking his feet.

“You were battling her, man! That was a battle!” the guy told his friend. "Ha, ha! We’re going to Shea on Friday.”